After a few weeks of trying to keep the happiness in top all by myself i am stopping now; it seems as if that is not possible. And also as I wrote in another post I've got a resource who can help me and also has promised to be there for me always. That's Jesus - so from now on I'll spend more time praying and thanking him for taking care of me although i haven't cared to much about him at all times...
A strange calm comes over me when i think about that - i can just rest in the knowledge that Jesus cares about me.
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